angie. gets hit with flowers that tall

I've been giving a lot of thought to moving back home.
I feel so caught in the middle about the whole ordeal.
I think to myself that I need to stay here (in Toronto) so I can grab a hold of myself and learn to "grow."
Whatever that means.

Then I try to picture myself back in Mississauga, I just don't see it.
As much as I feel comfortable being home I just don't see myself living life.
I feel almost dead.
At least in Toronto I'm angry.

I don't know which is better...or worse in that matter.

I just did this all wrong.
I should have stayed home and finished up school with a lot of money saved in my pockets.

However, I will have to restart my independence somehow.

I guess this is what being "restless" is all about.

Wish me luck?

xoxo,
Angie
 

I decided to come back to Livejournal for the time being.
My actual diary is almost done and so I'm waiting to do a D.I.Y. night with a friend of mine.
We're going to bind our own books.
It should be fun.
Hopefully.
I'm hoping it'll turn out like something below....



I have this stupid need to create shit but like always, I have no stupid money to purchase shit.
BUT, BUT, BUT I am getting more hours at work. I guess my manager likes me or something.
It's weird, at work, when I'm with fellow employees I feel like I'm on top of the world and I get into one of my personas.

I do this thing where I begin to talk with accents and shit.
It's bizarre, now that I think about it.
Some girl after work asked why I talk with a Boston accent.
HAHHAHA.

I really should get into acting or something.
THAT'S WHAT I NEED!
AN OUTLET OF SOME SORT!!!

Okay so goals for the year:
1. Save money to go on vacation
2. Save money to buy a laptop
3. Take acting classes


Anyways, I should get going.
I'm still madly in luv with this stupid boy who can handle me only when he's severely drunk.
Oh geez, how unfortunate.

xoxo,

Angie
 

Good-bye is too good of a word babe.....

I really don't like living in Toronto anymore.

I don't have any friends really.

There is no one I can randomly call without worrying if I'm calling too much.

It's not that I'm sad I'm just frustrated.

And I don't know, personally I don't like feeling like shit.

lol
It's just my opinion.
I'm really tired of being self-conscious around people.

I had a conversation with Amber about it and it felt like a lot of actions were "justified" by people's up-bringing.
Well, I can understand that but remember, my up-bringing wasn't any better for me either but at least I don't act that way.

I had a party recently and I didn't want to be there at all.
My friends from Mississauga came and I felt SO fucking relieved.
We shared sandwiches.
It was fucking fantastic.
I didn't want to leave my room at all.
I didn't have to worry about talking.

I didn't have to worry at all.
It was better when Amber came along because well, everyone is WAY closer to her than me so yeah...it was a natural flow.
Or something like that.
I don't know. I don't really give a shit anymore.
Like I said, I'm not sad or anything. I know I'm not interesting to them nor do I do anything interesting. It's okay, if I was as educated as them in certain areas I'd brush myself off too.
 

Like I don't even know what to say to anyone half of the time. Which is funny in a way I suppose.
Once in awhile, I'll think that it's all in my head so the few random times I actual feel like myself, I get the reaction and smack my own hand for it.

 

I kind of just want to dance for awhile and move to forget.


It's not like I'm attacking people or trying to offend them, it's just that I don't know who I'm suppose to be around people anymore.



xoxo,

Angie